Why Love Literally Hurts
Most of us see the connection between social and physical pain as a figurative one. We agree that “love hurts,” but we don’t think it hurts the way that, say, being kicked in the shin hurts. At the same time, life often presents a compelling argument that the two types of pain share a common source. Old couples frequently make the news because they can’t physically survive without one another. In one example from early 2012, Marjorie and James Landis of Johnstown, Pennsylvania, who’d been married for 65 years, died just 88 minutes apart.
Truth is you don’t have to be a sentimentalist to believe in broken hearts — being a subscriber to the New England Journal of Medicine will do. A few years ago a group of doctors at Johns Hopkins University reported a rare but lethal heart condition caused by acute emotional distress. The problem is technically known as “stress cardiomyopathy,” but the press likes to call it “broken heart syndrome,” and medical professionals don’t object to the nickname.
Behavioral science is catching up with the anecdotes, too. In the past few years, psychology researchers have found a good deal of literal truth embedded in the metaphorical phrases comparing love to pain. Neuroimaging studies have shown that brain regions involved in processing physical pain overlap considerably with those tied to social anguish. The connection is so strong that traditional bodily painkillers seem capable of relieving our emotional wounds. Love may actually hurt, like hurt hurt, after all.
A Neural Couple
Hints of a neural tie between social and physical pain emerged, quite unexpectedly, in the late 1970s. APS Fellow Jaak Panksepp, an animal researcher, was studying social attachment in puppies. The infant dogs cried when they were separated from their mothers, but these distress calls were much less intense in those that had been given a low dose of morphine, Panksepp reported in Biological Psychiatry. The study’s implication was profound: If an opiate could dull emotional angst, perhaps the brain processed social and physical pain in similar ways.
Panksepp’s findings on social distress were replicated in a number of other species — monkeys, guinea pigs, rats, chickens. The concept was hard to test in people, however, until the rise of neuroimaging decades later.
A breakthrough occurred in an fMRI study led by APS Fellow Naomi Eisenberger of University of California, Los Angeles. The researchers knew which areas of the brain became active during physical pain: the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), which serves as an alarm for distress, and the right ventral prefrontal cortex (RVPFC), which regulates it. They decided to induce social pain in test participants to see how those areas responded.
Eisenberger and colleagues fed participants into a brain imaging machine and hooked them into a game called Cyberball — essentially a game of virtual catch. Participants were under the impression that two other people would be playing as well. In actuality, the other players were computer presets controlled by the researchers.
Some test participants experienced “implicit” exclusion during the game. They watched as the other two players tossed the virtual ball, but were told that technical difficulties had prevented them from joining the fun. Others experienced “explicit” exclusion. In these cases, the computer players included the participant for seven tosses, then kept the ball away for the next 45 throws.
When Eisenberger and colleagues analyzed the neural images of exclusion, they discovered “a pattern of activations very similar to those found in studies of physical pain.” During implicit exclusion, the ACC acted up while the RVPFC stayed at normal levels. (The brain might have recognized this exclusion as accidental, and therefore not painful enough to merit corrective measures.) During explicit social exclusion, however, both ACC and RVPFC activity increased in participants.
The study inspired a new line of research on neural similarities between social and physical pain. “Understanding the underlying commonalities between physical and social pain unearths new perspectives on issues such as … why it ‘hurts’ to lose someone we love,” the researchers concluded in a 2003 issue of Science.
In a review of studies conducted since this seminal work, published in the February 2012 issue of Current Directions in Psychological Science, Eisenberger offered a potential evolutionary reason for the relationship. Early humans needed social bonds to survive: things like acquiring food, eluding predators, and nursing offspring are all easier done in partnership with others. Maybe over time this social alert system piggybacked onto the physical pain system so people could recognize social distress and quickly correct it.
“In other words,” wrote Eisenberger, “to the extent that being separated from a caregiver or from the social group is detrimental to survival, feeling ‘hurt’ by this separation may have been an adaptive way to prevent it.”
Physical Pain Dies, Lost Love Doesn’t
Psychologists believe that physical pain has two separate components. There is the sensory component, which gives basic information about the damage, such as its intensity and location. There’s also an affective component, which is a more qualitative interpretation of the injury, such as how distressing it is.
Initial studies that followed Eisenberger’s pioneering work focused on the affective component. (The ACC, for instance, is closely related to affective pain — so much so that animals without that part of their brain can feel pain but aren’t bothered by it.) As a result, researchers began to think that while the qualitative aspects of social and physical pain might overlap, the sensory components might not.
Recently that thinking has changed. A group of researchers, led by Ethan Kross of the University of Michigan, believed that social pain might have a hidden sensory component that hadn’t been found because games like Cyberball just weren’t painful enough. So instead they recruited 40 test participants and subjected them to a far more intense social injury: the sight of an ex-lover who’d broken up with them.
Kross and colleagues brought test participants into a brain imaging machine and had them complete two multi-part tasks. One was a social task: Participants viewed pictures of the former romantic partner while thinking about the breakup, then viewed pictures of a good friend. The other was a physical task: Participants felt a very hot stimulation on their forearm, and also felt another that was just warm.
As expected from prior research, activity in areas associated with affective pain (such as the ACC) increased during the more intense tasks (seeing the “ex” and feeling the strong heat). But activity in areas linked with physical pain, such as the somatosensory cortex and the dorsal posterior insula, also increased during these tasks. The results suggested that social and physical pain have more in common than merely causing distress — they share sensory brain regions too.
“These results give new meaning to the idea that rejection ‘hurts,’” the researchers concluded in a 2011 issue of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.
Still it’s not quite accurate to say that physical and social pain are exactly the same. As other research suggests, social pain may actually be much worse in the long run. A kick to the groin might feel just as bad as a breakup in the moment, but while the physical aching goes away, the memory of lost love can linger forever.
A research group led by Zhansheng Chen at Purdue University recently demonstrated this difference in a series of experiments. During two self-reports, people recalled more details of a past betrayal than a past physical injury and also felt more pain in the present, even though both events had been equally painful when they first occurred. During two cognitive tests, people performed a tough word association task significantly more slowly when recalling emotional pain than when recalling physical pain.
“Our findings confirmed that social pain is easily relived, whereas physical pain is not,” the researchers reported in a 2008 issue of Psychological Science.
Heart-Shaped Box (of Tylenol)
There is a bright side to the new line of research linking social and physical pain: Remedies for one may well double as therapy for the other. A group of psychological researchers, led by C. Nathan DeWall of the University of Kentucky, recently tested whether acetaminophen — the main ingredient in Tylenol — could relieve the pain of emotional distress as effectively as it relieves bodily aches.
In one experiment, some test participants took a 500-mg dose of acetaminophen twice a day for three weeks, while others took a placebo. All 62 participants provided self-reports on a “hurt feelings” scale designed to measure social exclusion. After Day 9, people who took the pain pill reported significantly lower levels of hurt feelings than those who took a placebo.
As a follow-up study, DeWall and colleagues gave either acetaminophen or a placebo to 25 test participants for three weeks, then brought them into the lab to play Cyberball. When participants were excluded from the game, those in the acetaminophen group showed significantly lower activity in their ACC than those in the placebo group — a sign that the painkiller was relieving social pain just as it normally did physical pain.
“For some, social exclusion is an inescapable and frequent experience,” the authors conclude in a 2010 issue of Psychological Science. “Our findings suggest that an over-the-counter painkiller normally used to relieve physical aches and pains can also at least temporarily mitigate social-pain-related distress.”
The effect breaks both ways. In another report from Psychological Science, published in 2009, a research group led by Sarah Master of University of California, Los Angeles, found that social support could relieve the intensity of physical pain — and that the supportive person didn’t even have to be present for the soothing to occur.
Master and colleagues recruited 25 women who’d been in relationships for at least six months and brought them into the lab with their romantic partner. They determined each woman’s pain threshold, then subjected her to a series of six-second heat stimulations. Half of the stimulations were given at the threshold pain level, half were given one degree (Celsius) higher.
Meanwhile the woman took part in a series of tasks to measure which had a mitigating effect on the pain. Some involved direct contact (holding the partner’s hand, a stranger’s hand, or an object) while others involved visual contact (viewing the partner’s photo, a stranger’s photo, or an object). In the end, contact involving a romantic partner — both direct and visual alike — led to significantly lower pain ratings compared to the other tasks. In fact, looking at a partner’s picture led to slightly lower pain ratings than actually holding his hand.
At least for all the hurt love causes, it has an equally powerful ability to heal.
As a child I suffered emotional and physical and sexual abuse..I was abandoned as a baby, and was adopted by a very sick person….my whole life has been about getting stable…which I am now. Now I have very severe physical pain. it started a few years back. Mostly burning nerve pain. They can’t find any answers other than to say their is something haywire in the neuro pathways to the brain…I keep wondering if it is stemming from my childhood. There was no love at all, only beatings…tried to take my life at 12. It is interesting that I have made a good life for myself, and now I have to deal with this debilitating pain. Sure would like to know if there is a correlation…
Studying polyvagal theory helped me understand my chronic pain quite a bit. Also there is an awesome book called The Body Keeps the Score. Understanding my rewiring has helped a lot.
Check out the book, ‘How to Heal Your Life’, by Louise Hay. It’s about the correlation of emotional pain and physical conditions/pain.
Heya Judy sorry to hear about all that you’ve been through and good for you for making a life for yourself. As for a link i’m sure there is. Look up talks given by Dr Gabor Mate
Much love judy
I hope you’ve gotten your answer before now, but want to share my experience.
Yes! There is a direct correlation! I was sexually abused at 11. The man hit me in my left arm after I refused to look at him play with himself. At age 49 I went through a heart breaking experience involving my spouse and son, and every time I felt anxious or nervous, my left arm would start hurting. It got so bad I could not move my arm after a very bad emotional night.
It’s a lot to weite. Email me. Let’s talk!
I have had a history of sexual abuse and have recently begun my first real relationship with someone and when I am with them I start to tense up in my legs. I feel my nerves prick and find it hard to be around them not because I dislike them but from what I assume is a deep ingrained fear caused from my past. I feel for everyone posting here and am hoping that we can make a motion to better ourselves through the support and insight we provide.
I have been having a lot of heart twisting and rapid beating. I have had a very secluded life. I found out I have a very rare personality type for women. Growing up I was socially excluded, treated like an alien, parents fought every night and I found out other things, rape, depression the list goes on. I think my heart was broken so much it was dead. I am under a lot of stress, but I’m with a man whom I believe to be my soul mate. I’m wondering if my heart may have started beating more but the muscle is too week. I think I may have pots syndrome due to these problems.
My true love is with someone else, it hurts no matter where I am. Whenever I’m sitting in front of him, I can’t stop shaking. I can’t say anything either, it’s like the whole world see around me, and then I realize that I don’t stand a chance and I can’t stop crying
I also have a lot of issues from abandonment and being sexually abused as a child. I have all the same problems and pain with breakups or lost love, but I also experience pain when I’m in love and things are fine. I’ve always described it as loving someone to hard or too much, because it feels like so much that it really does hurt. A year ago I stumbled upon an article about HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). I was totally shocked when I read the characteristics of an HSP. It was like someone was describing every aspect of me. HSP is a personality trait and is thought to be genetic. It’s 20% of the population. The most common trait that I see in this thread is by the intensity of the pain and/or feelings that we feel. I bet most of the writers in this thread are HSP. It’s been proven scientifically that we feel pain more intensely. I used to think there was something wrong with me and that there was nobody else in the world like me because I knew I felt things differently then other people. When I found out about being HSP, I have a better understanding of myself and I don’t have that empty feeling of being all alone because I know it’s 20% of the population.
Do a search on HSP – Highly Sensitive Person and see if you fit. It will at least give you clarity and understanding and in time you will notice that finding out about it has definitely improved your life. You’ll quit second guessing yourself on first instincts and hopefully you won’t take things so personal because you’ll realize that it might be just how you’re perceiving something. I hope this helps someone because I can truly feel your pain.
So sorry that happened to you. I will say a prayer that you get better.
Dear judy, Tonight I was just scrolling around and saw your comment. I actually thought you wrote that about me. To hear that you went through so much pain. I could relaMy heart completely understand everything you have felt. I never can find anyone that has felt and seen what my parents did. I am now 40 and I work everyday to be better and to relearn everything I was brain washed to think. I want to chat with you if all possible. I know this is a old thread but I am hoping to reach you Tonight. I am sorry you felt so much pain. To find another that knows this life is once in my lifetime. Here is my email and you can contact me anytime. Don’t give up I say everyday and people like you and I have been to places most don’t even think of. So for me I hope you know that people like me need others that have been to those places also. So thank you for sharing your story and I would love to chat if you ever get bored.
Love, forgiveness, and God are always with us.
I have experienced bad ear aches depression since the loss of love, medication has helped with the pain an depression,but the no love still emotionally hurts.
I am so sorry that happened. It is horrible and it is something that should never had happened to you. I am glad you are alive and I really hope you get to live a happy and safe life with people who love and trust you.
Im so sorry you had to experience this. You are valid, your life matters, you’re so strong. You are a survivor. i love u
Hi, check out the ACE study. There is a great deal of strong correlation with early childhood stressors and physical illness. https://www.acesconnection.com/
when me and my ex broke up for the first time, i felt extreme physical pain in my chest, to the point where i clutched at my chest and screamed and cried. it hurt like hell, and i wanted to die due to the amount of pain. but i am over that now… for the most part.
all it took was a new person to help me forget and learn to love again. btw…. i’m a girl, despite my name.
One year ago ex dumped me after 4 years together, my grandma died last year and my lovely dog girl I was so attached to, my only friend, this year. My son suffers from deep schizophrenia and is in hospital now. My financial situation is crap. How much more can you take?
Recently I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder.
I don’t sleep, I practically don’t eat and I’m having this awful chest pain a few times a day. It just pops up out of the blue, even then when I’m not thinking about my misery. Stomach cramps I’m having is nothing compared to it. It bangs me, twists my heart, I can’t take a breath. It goes like that for some minutes then there’s this constant dull pain right in the middle of my chest. I read it’s called stress cardiomyopathy. Broken heart….
I know how this feels and I wondered about post traumatic . How are you now ?
Hi. Do you heal your stomach cramps? I have the same from many years. Im feel this day by day. Sometimes few seconds sometimes hours and “love butterfly” is always painful.
I was with my mum when she arrested and passed away. At the same time my mum was arresting I had chest pain. I have not mention it to anyone /family
abandonment and sexual disorders are their any studies related to this study of heart break.
I was adopted from Russia when I was 2 years old. The family that adopted me seems like they would be the best thing that I could have, but I keep looking at my friends and their family’s and how they all have a real mom and dad, and fit in with their family. It makes me want to cry thinking about why my biological mom wouldn’t of kept me. I live in Iowa a d I keep thinking about her. I don’t know what she looks like, and I want to know. My heart aches not knowing wether she loved me or not.
I believe your birth mother must have loved you very much to want you to have more than she could ever give you. I have never had a child, but adopted one myself and I hope you will be comforted by this.
Prayer and silence helps.
I need to discipline myself to pray and to intentionally seek silence.
the first line is only wrong.it truely hurts when u fall in love.asked the one who had experienced it.I HAVE EXPERIENCED IN MY FRST TRUE LOVE.IT JUST FEEKS AS IF THE PAIN IN UR CHEST OR HEART WILL KILL U.U CRY ALL THE TIME.U CANT IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT HIMOR HER.IT JUST PHYSICALLY PAIN.so plz dont give wrong msgs and researches.i beg u
How can u reach out to someone who you cant see hold or hear bit want so bad that aline kills you
What you saying is so true and you actually feel like it’s just the two if you in the entire world.
Love doesn’t have to hurt but it can if you allow it too. Turning to God isn’t going to take it away.When you had been betrayed by a partner the betrayer and the betrayed are both hurting.. Its one of the most painful things to deal with when people fall out of love.. I can’t stand people that say move on. Crying is not a sign of weakness. I wish I had a magic wand but I don’t.. Therapists don’t help and neither do councilors.. They don’t know you.. Only you know you..:-)
No, in many cases therapists/counselors might not help… But, if that therapist or counselor knows pain and trauma of a similar degree, it can change everything. It takes someone who has walked down a similar broken path to understand. True, only you can know yourself. A therapist who doesn’t dwell on working within the box (because really, there is no box) or see you as another file or more paperwork.. They CAN make a difference and CAN help even the ones who everyone else has given up on… I’m speaking from both sides of that coin…
My wife died in September 2014. I watched her die twice: once on our couch as the paramedics worked on her and then when they removed life support. It’s the end of March 2015 – over 6 months since she died. I am still overwhelmed with the pain of losing her. If I didn’t have a 5 year old to care for I would have purposely followed her. My head aches and my chest hurts every time I think of her. My blood pressure is through the roof. The V.A. is worthless when it comes to help. We were both disabled veterans and there are times I wonder if their lack of care for her pushed her over. I’ve been given the crappy lie that “God had a plan for her, a plan of love.” No “god” of love would take a loving mother and wife away from a toddler and an adoring husband. Counselors have been no help whatsoever. All I know is I hurt so much and I wish she were here,
i know that God lives and that you will see your wife agian and never to be seperated agin. as you pray for comfort of yhe holy ghost you will be enveloped with his sweet peace in your body. God really soes live. i know it.
I found this article because I wanted to know why love (and precisely what you have been talking about, lost love) hurts so badly physically. I’m not sure what to think now that I know that it isn’t likely to go away.
How are you doing now
it makes me sick to think about these researchers torturing poor animals for the sake of this stupid study. shame on them. any normal human knows instinctively that separation from a mother hurts, that painful stimuli is. duh, painful. that love lost physically hurts. again, shame on them for hurting innocent animals for this stupid study
JD McLeod, i can’t agree more. I won’t even pretend to feel as significant and devastating a loss as you have, yet i understand your pain. I lost my mother three years ago (she was only 42) and i still think about her every day. I don’t believe in any “plan” for her. The only thing i believe is she had 3 different liver diseases (none of which born of alchohol abuse, she never drank) and each disease a great pain on its own. She doesn’t hurt anymore, but i do and it’s only the faint love of others that keeps me out of that abyss. I’d wish you the best but all i can hope to wish you is relief.
I have been married for 14 years but been with my husband for 23 years and I found out about him cheating. So the initial shock of it, I felt like he literally died, I mean I was in full on mourning. I did not understand but reading about all this it makes sense.
Evolution is a double edged sword, no doubt. There’s no hope to get my lost love back. Time for this pain to end!!! I need an evolutionary bypass because I don’t see having another romantic love in my life.
And I mean an evolutionary bypass BESIDES believing in an all-loving invisible being that’s going to care for you. Though I can see how that works. I have to be honest with myself about reality.
Justin, I couldn’t agree more about the futility of waiting for an imaginary being to solve our problems. I hope you have found peace after your loss. My husband died just a few days after you posted your comment (2016). I wanted to die as well, if no other reason than to stop the very physical pain. It has almost been 2 years and I can honestly say it does get better. I knew my husband would not want me to be miserable and give up a life he was denied so I set out to be happy, for him. I still have sad moments thinking of what could have been but the pain is gone and life goes on.
It comes as no surprise to me that science had findings connecting loss and physical pain. I have been running from emotional wounds surrounding abandonment all my life, as well as addictive behavior. I first became hooked on opiates in my early twenties. I always felt I was stuffing my emotions.
I dont understand what all these strange studies trying to proove…whatever, they r not going to lessen the pain anyway.
i m totally disheartened now that this betrayal pain i m suffering which is hurting me so much that it has become a threat for life, cannot be done with. Its there to stay…no one can help me and i cannt live with this distress for all life…hurting n feeling robbed of all my emotions and feelings. This god thing and his plan…i simply dont agree with.
My boyfriend and I have what we think is separation anxiety and it’s a literal physical pain…
How are you now?
My husband and I have been married for 7 years recently his oldest daughter 17 going to live with us. My husband has severe PTSD and has had a couple of brain injuries from being deployed overseas. He’s been good about taking his medicine and things were going fine until here lately after his daughter came to live with us. He’s attacked me a couple of times since September and this time I finally decided that I needed to leave. I don’t want to but I have to. My emotions are so incredibly overwhelming that they’re manifesting physically. I can’t concentrate, I can’t eat, I constantly feel like I’m going to throw up, my stomach is in knots and I can’t stop the diarrhea. Can’t turn my brain off I can’t stop hurting. I hate how this feels. My heart and my soul feel literally broken
Stay strong. No one deserves any kind of abuse no matter what someone went through. You don’t deserve that. It feels like hell now but in time it will get better. It takes a long time but just take it day by day and I promise you you’ll be ok. It’s corny but so true that time really does heal. But you have to stay away and start anew. You did the right thing for everyone and by being strong you’re helping you too which matters, you matter. Well done on the positive steps you’ve taken to do that it wouldn’t have been easy but if you have done that for yourself you’ve already come through the hardest and can do anything from there even if at times it feels though and you will be ok in time. Just keep moving little steps each day. best wishes 🙂
my boyfriend and I have both in ways betrayed each other in our past relationship. we were together for 3 years and had a child together. she is now 10 months old and we broke up a month ago. it has been really hard for me to move on from the relationship that we were in even though it was so incredibly painful at times. I felt pain in my chest and stomach every day for at least 2 years and now that we are broken up I still feel it. the pain has gone down greatly but when he comes over to see our daughter I sometime feel my chest and stomach aching terribly. part of me wants to run back to him when it hurts so badly and another part of me wishes I never would have to see him again.
That must be really hard for you because raising a child up on your own must really be stressful but just stay strong and give the best to your child. Also know that people change throughout their lives and you can never live a perfect live. I hope everything will become easier for you.
I am not sure if you will see this but I want you to know this same thing happened to me. You have to find a way to not see him. Find someone else to love. It will be a hard journey but trust me, you will love some one else one day. I will pray for you and your daughter.
Not having a life to share with someone can be very painful altogether.
Im so in love with a younger man 15 years my junior but we are so in love. Hes going away for a while back to Pakistan from Uk. The thing is we are not intouch at the moment and are saying nasty things to each other. I think its because we dont want to part so its easier to not see each other. Were soul mates and so in love so why is it like this
I just fell in love maybe for the first time.Inoticed my body aches for him. Was hoping I found true love…..and that I just wasnt in heat.Was wondering ,so comparing notes.So sorry for the ones hurting from losses….please try accepting Jesus….He really can make a difference…He is the healer!!!
So im in a relationship but every time i miss her my stomach hurts really bad…recently weve been split apart(moved away) and it got worse…her phone has been messing up and every time we talk on the phone it cuts us off and ends the call(bc she switched to a new phone but it’s not working) we tryy and try to call each other back but it duesnt work then my stomach starts to hurt again…dues anyone know why? If so please let me know and thank you
I couldnt get past the part where the scientist inflicted pain on animals by taking them away from their mothers. All that pain inflicted just so he could put a name on something we all, already knew.
When my ex of 3 years broke up with me, I became physically and psychologically ill. I had serious panic attacks and I developed a sinus infection that got so bad my mother had to carry me to the car and take me to the hospital. They told me if I had waited longer I would have died. I think my immune system was lowered because of heart break. i really believe that. It took me almost six years to fall in love with someone else. I still think about my ex daily.However I now love my husband.
It is just so relieving to find an honest thread of people here . I think it’s true you can suffer a secondary slight when your supposed friends just tell you to get over it and find another fast. Don’t experience anything don’t work on anything just get over it . Isn’t working it out your way getting over it ? Then
The “ friends “ leave you because they feel you’re weak for not just changing your hair and getting new clothes and rebounding first … this all hurts even worse when you’re the one left … you didn’t ask
For this And now you also lost the friends yet you’ve done the work to then go out and get some new clothes etc . And now you have no one to
Go out with . It’s very lonely doing the right thing . Especially when you still wish the person you left the best of everything from
Afar . And then once again no one would want to
Understand that and thinks you just must line punishing yourself . So much sad misunderstanding . So much covering up to not feel . Maybe if people were more authentic and understanding the secondary slights wouldn’t occur . But they just want what’s best for them when they tell you to
Move on fast right ?? Yeah and you must just want to be sad . I wish all you honest people out there suffering the knowledge that you do deserve to heal the right way. And I wish you people to see that and help you. I’m helping my daughter right now through this pain of being dumped out so that she can learn all she needs to and not cover it up and in doing so I
Also lost many friends like she did. And yet, she sees so much now of how she could not have prevented this at all and how many things this young man presented with need to be dealt with or they will never be able to be a proper team as you have to keep the people you really love. It’s hard when
One has the capacity and the other doesn’t and the one that does sits back is subject to this mental pain that doesn’t ever truly stop because they truly loved. The third slight . But yes the whole time you’re working on keeping going you have the mow
Ex friends to deal with closing out . I would do it all again in order to see my daughter as strong as she is now but what kills me is I can see she will never forget him. She never chased after . And she has to see him
Very often. And the people she let unfriend her . I am in
The ones that unfriended
Me. All because i wouldn’t push her to a new guy or hair or clothes faster . So I believe all you on here . Just like I know mine won’t ever forget but she has to keep going and eventually let new experiences find her . I hope you all have someone to stand by you.
A broken heart as many know can be excruciating pain however not letting go and moving on perpetuates that pain. How to let go and don’t look back has to be learned. Please try not to spend too much time on staying stuck reliving the pain. What I’ve learned is to get past pain you must allow yourself to grieve to get through it. I’ve gone in Youtube and googled various subjects relating to the possible reasons why my tolerance for pain has been too high. One answer is my chronic loneliness has caused me to make poor choices and finally after so much debilitating pain, I rather endure the pain of solitude than being continously beaten up emotionally. I can’t take another emotional beating. I’m learning to give myself the love I’ve yearned for and am learning to have faith in our father.
ME AND THIS BOY NAMED JOSH HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR TWO YEARS WE OFTEN ARGUE DUE TO HIS PROBLEMS HE HAS DEPRESSION AND IS VERY SENSITIVE IM ALREADY GOING THROUGH SERVERE EMOTIONAL TRAUMA FROM A REALLY BAD RELASHIONSHIP 3 YEARS AGO BUT NOW ME AND JOSH HAVE BEEN ARGUING LATELY AND I STOPPED TAKING MY ANTI-DEPRESSENTS SO NOW WERE OKAY BUT IT STILL HURTS EVERYTIME WE ARGUE I TRY MY BEST BUT IM FALLING APART MYSELF
I loved a girl.I wanted her only as .y life partner,but she don’t have any feeling on me.I am not able to stop thinking about her.Even I am feeling pain in the heart.i don’t know what to do,can anyone help me out..
I fell in deep love with a girl years and years ago. She is from another country and her work Visa expired. We were engaged and very much still in love. When I finally got her paperwork approved to get back she no longer wanted to be away from her home and I was young and afraid to make the move. Years went on and we both remarried. I still thought about her almost every day, which is probably unhealthy. She recently reached out to me and told me she still felt the same way that she felt years ago (about 10). In a way it made me happy that I was not alone in the feelings, but in another way it hurt almost worse to know. It’s almost a physical pain or a pulling at the heart. To know that we will probably always feel this way but will probably never even see each other again. I feel that she has a huge part of me and I wish that she didn’t. She is my soulmate and always will be. Nothing compares to true love. Never give up on something like that.
Love is the most beautifullest and most powerful feeling that ever exists for everyone and anything Alive with a beating heart. It’s something that happens naturally without knowing it will happen. It’s spontaneous when it comes just like when will lightening might strike. I believe in Love with all my heart. If I had it or if I don’t have it will be always my number one desire and then everything. Communication, the way you look into eachothers eyes say it all. Let your heart speak up and don’t be shy or afraid of any truth answer. Love you be you and LOVE. All or nothing, yes and no. That’s where we come from. From a real soul with a big heart. Start with loving around you..
I fall in love at a young age we broke up and we got back together but the painful thing is everyone wants us to broke up again but I love him but it’s to painful because everyone wants us to be over for good that’s painful I don’t get why everyone will but in I love my boyfriend to bits yes we have never fight like never ever but the thing people don’t get is that we care about each other and love each other so they can get out of my relationship with my boyfriend I have thought about dumping him but I can’t because I love him to much he makes my day everyday he really meaks me feel happy I won’t dump him because other people don’t want us to be together who cares about them
Why does love hurt? Is it because we aren’t able to tell our significant other how we truly feel? Are you able to Express yourself like you wanted? Will your significant other take time to hear and acknowledge the way you feel? My now ex significant other won’t. Even if he did, I still will feel hurt because I know it’s truly over. Hes is still in love with his ex. Now here I sit alone with his 5 year old child. Hoping love will make it my way soon.
I recently decided to “stop” loving someone because it was the right thing to do and the moment I realized there will never be an ‘us’ I felt this unbearable physical pain that I thought I was literally having a heart attack. My chest hurt so bad as if someone was drilling a hole from my chest to my back. I could not breathe for a few minutes and someone has had to massage my chest and give me a drink of water. Broken heart does manifest physically. It has been over 20 days now and it is getting easier but there are days when the pain just surprise me out of the blue, and I’d be back to square one, mourning, my heart tearing again over a love lost.
I am feeling pain as the possibility of losing the one l love exist. I am feeling pain realizing l love and don’t want to feel it. I am going to end the relationship. I don’t want to feel it any stronger when it comes
I am in love with someone so bad it makes my chest hurt
Social and physical pain have the same basis in neural control systems according to Perceptual Control Theory (PCT) — this being error signals produced by a difference between perceptual signals and related reference signals. When our perceptions differ from our references (ex., goals, standards, desires, …) error signals are produced. These error signals may lead to consciously perceived feelings (such as pain, uneasiness, and distress) and emotions (such as anger, fear, and shame). According to PCT, the error signals may also lead to behavior aimed at bringing one’s perceptions more in line with references for those perceptions, in order to reduce or eliminate the neural error signals being produced. If interested, information about PCT is available online (ex., at IAPCT.org) or in publications such as William T. Powers, “Behavior: The Control of Perception”, 2nd. edition, Benchmark Publications, 2005.
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