‘He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not…’: Women Are More Attracted to Men Whose Feelings Are Unclear
Are you still looking for a date for Valentine’s Day? Here’s some dating advice straight from the laboratory: It turns out there may be something to “playing hard to get.” A study published in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science, finds that a woman is more attracted to a man when she is uncertain about how much he likes her.
On the one hand, a lot of psychological research has found that person A usually likes person B about as much as they think person B likes them. “If we want to know how much Sarah likes Bob, a good predictor is how much she thinks Bob likes her,” write the authors of the paper, Erin R. Whitchurch and Timothy D. Wilson of the University of Virginia and Daniel T. Gilbert of Harvard University. “But what if Sarah is not sure how much Bob likes her?” This might lead Sarah to spend a lot of time thinking about Bob, wondering how he feels, and she might find him more attractive the more she dwells on him.
Forty-seven female undergraduates at the University of Virginia participated in the study. Each student, who believed that the experiment was designed to study whether Facebook could work as an online dating site, was told that male students from two other universities had viewed her profile and those of 15 to 20 other females. Then the women were shown four men’s Facebook profiles that they thought were real, but were actually fictitious. Some of the women were told they’d seen the four men who liked them the most; others were told these were four men who rated them about average. A third group were told the men could be either the ones who liked them most or the ones who liked them about average—so those women didn’t know about the level of the men’s interest in them.
As other research has found, women who believed the men liked them a lot were more attracted to the men than women who thought the men liked them only an average amount. However, the women who found the men most attractive were the ones who weren’t sure whether those men were into them or not.
“Numerous popular books advise people not to display their affections too openly to a potential romantic partner and to instead appear choosy and selective,” the authors write. Women in this study made their decisions based on very little information on the men—but in a situation not unlike meeting someone on an internet dating site, which is common these days. “When people first meet, it may be that popular dating advice is correct: Keeping people in the dark about how much we like them will increase how much they think about us and will pique their interest.”
but what about after the man has been dating the woman for about 7 weeks so far and the man and woman hit it off great?
does the man start to back off and stop pursuing as in the beginning of the relationship or would the woman start to think the man is no longer into her?
Yes, back off a bit and be unpredictable. If you want to secure a woman’s commitment, never let her be sure about whether she has yours.
Seems like being in a “successful” relationship with a woman require lots playing games, pretending to be cool and basically be totally some body else rather than being ourselves ?!
The easiest relationships I’ve ever had were the ones where I was not as into the girl in the beginning as she was into me. As a result, all I had to do was respond to their messages or answer the phone when they called. I even remember one girl telling me I was a mystery.
Girls that I grew attracted to quickly were the ones that required more effort or ended up blowing by trying too hard. Its weird man, but such is life.
It is not games, it’s the rules of THE GAME. You have to know what will keep a woman attracted to you and what will turn her off. If you think that that is game playing and not being authentic, then you are going to be unhappy about women dumping you all the time.
Hi. I meet this girl at a party like 2 weeks ago. So she started to dance with me and we hit it off good after that. She gave me her Instagram So I contacted her a couple days later and ask her for her number. We talked on the phone and I asked her to go on a date and we did the following week to go to the movies. everything went great. After that we talked on the phone for a couple of days she told me she likes me a lot, And I told I feel the same way. After a while she stopped hitting me up. Did I mess up telling her I like her to quickly? Please I need some help.
Yes man, as the article says you will be better if you don’t reveal your feelings openly, I suggest you to follow Coach Corey Wayne on YouTube, he has thousands of vids that explain all this stuff, he also wrote a book which is very useful to understand woman’s nature/behaviour, greetings!
Yes, you messed up. Don’t tell her your feelings because then the challenge is over for her.
True that! I cannot agree more to this finding. If you open your heart to them, they will fly away to another mysterious person. You will no longer be valued, once you open all show them how much you love them.
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